george carlin quotes

George Carlin was a famous American stand-up comedian who is considered one of the influential stand-up comics in history. 

He mostly used to do comedy on deep topics like politics, psychology and religion. So let’s know something about his life. And finally, see some George Carlin Quotes with images.

Who Is George Carlin?

George Carlin’s full name is George Denis Patrick Carlin. He was a comedian as well as a writer, actor and social critic. He was born on May 12, 1937 in the city of Manhattan, United States.

His father Patrick Carlin was an Irish immigrant who was an advertising manager and businessman. And his mother Mary Bearey was Irish-American and worked in the New York City Police Department.

About George Carlin Life :

When George was two months old, his parents separated because of his father’s alcoholism. This is why George and his brother were raised by their mother. George gained dominance over the English language because of his mother. 

He was raised in a locality in Manhattan. Where his friends called him “White Harlem”. George’s primary study was completed at the Roman Catholic Corpus Christi School.

George Carlin
George Carlin performing in 1969

George further studied completed at Bishop DuBois High School and Salesian High School in Goshen. He won several drama awards by attending Camp Notre Dame in Spofford, New Hampshire. And then enlisted in the United States Air Force. Where he worked as a radar technician.

Along with this, George worked as a disc jockey at the radio station in Shreveport. In 1959, he met DJ Jack Burns while working at radio station KXOL in Fort Worth, Texas.

The two became good friends. In 1960 the both gave a performance in California called The Sailor, Burns & Carlin. After that, they both formed a comedy team.

Young George Carlin
George Carlin in 1975

After that, both of them did a lot of comedy shows. Due to which his reputation was greatly enhanced. Even Carlin’s 14 stand-up comedies were filmed by HBO. He satirized mostly on American political and American culture.

He hosted The Tonight Show during the Johnny Carson era for three consecutive decades. His final comedy special was “It’s Bad for Ya”. The difference of which was that it was made in just a few months.

George Carlin was ranked in the list of Best 10 American Comedians made in 2004 by Comedy Central. Also in 2017, he was ranked second on the list of 50 Best Stand-Up Comedians by Rolling Stone magazine.

George Carlin was posthumously honored with the Mark Twain Award for American Humor in 2008.

How Did George Carlin Die?

George Carlin
George Carlin in 2008

George Carlin suffered a heart attack three times in his life. His fourth heart attack occurred on June 22, 2008. And he died with that. At that time he was 71 years old.

Best George Carlin Quotes :

george carlin quotes
Electricity is actually organized energy. – George Carlin Quotes

Fighting for peace is not a bad thing.

Sometimes we should talk to ourselves so that we can accept our answers.

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We must learn to read as well as ask questions.

Everyone appreciates your honesty, until you’re honest with them.

george carlin quotes
People’s planets are not bad, but people are bad. – George Carlin Quotes

Atheism is just a kind of non-prophetic organization.

Religion can also prove to be like drugs, which can destroy your thinking mind.

If you can’t speak well for someone, it’s best to keep quiet.

If they tell you you’re not a team player, just congratulate them on being so observant.

george carlin quotes
Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. – George Carlin Quotes

The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.

Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.’

george carlin quotes
Don’t sweat for small things. – George Carlin Quotes

I don’t want something that’s good for headaches. I want something that’s bad for headaches. And good for me.

Professional soldiers are people who die for a living.

Be careful with words. The same words that hurt can heal. It’s a matter of how you pick them.

War will end when people stop showing up for it.

best george carlin quotes
Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. (Image by Doug Hyun from HBO)

Everyone smiles in the same language.

People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.

Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.

Don’t just teach your children to read. Teach them to question what they read.

best george carlin quotes
It’s never just a game when you’re winning. (Image by Herb Ball from BankGetty Images)

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.

There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.

No art is possible without a dance with death.

best george carlin quotes
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. – George Carlin Quotes

The larger the group, the more toxic, as an individual you have to surrender for the sake of group thought.

Anger is really nothing more than sympathetic contempt.

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

Hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work.

best george carlin quotes
Think off-center. – George Carlin Quotes

Sometimes a little brain damage can help.

Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’

A language is a tool for concealing the truth.

The older you get, the better you realize you were.

famous george carlin quotes
Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom. (Image by Lisa lake by Getty Images)

No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you’re screwed because it’s all fixed and rigged.

I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.

Whenever you hear the phrase zero tolerance, remember, someone is bullshitting you.

famous george carlin quotes
Females create life, males end it. – George Carlin Quotes

As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.

If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.

People are wonderful one at a time. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them.

If you can’t say something nice about a person, go ahead.

famous george carlin quotes
Today is another day. Because we have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. (Image source:

Homemade is a myth. You want to know some things that are homemade?

I have this real moron thing I do? It’s called thinking.

I love people as I meet them one by one. People are just wonderful as individuals. 

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Never sacrifice the beauty of the individual for the sake of the group.

famous george carlin quotes
Be responsible for the consequences. (Image by Bravo from NBCUPB)

Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.

The people who are motivated are the ones who are causing all the trouble!

As far as I’m concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that’s worth believing.

The future will soon be a thing of the past.

George Carlin Quotes on Religion :

george carlin quotes on religion
Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind. (Image source:

Religion has what is easily the greatest bullshit story of all time.

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.

Religion is just mind control.

The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.

George Carlin Quotes On Life :

george carlin quotes on life
We have added years to life but have not been able to add life to years.

We must learn to question everything.

Sometimes it happens that you will succeed even if you try to fail.

Today our house has become a place to store goods.

Your life is in the hands of your feet when your feet are on the brakes.

george carlin quotes on life
A group of stupid people should never be considered weak. – George Carlin Quotes

There is a frustrated idealist within every emotional person.

There is a funny side to every situation. But it is very difficult to find.

Remember never argue with a fool in life.

Everyone will appreciate your honesty as long as you are honest with them.

george carlin quotes on life
Life is a zero-sum game. (Image by Tom Briglia from FilmMagic)

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.

Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.

When I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.

I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying!

George Carlin Quotes Politics :

george carlin quotes on politics
Political correctness is fascism pretending to be manners. (Image source:

If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.

Political correctness is the newest form of intolerance.

We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.

george carlin quotes on politics
Most people work hard enough not to get fired. – George Carlin Quotes

Where no one is present there is only an immediate future and a recent past.

When someone drives slower than you, that man is stupid to you, And when someone drives faster than you, it makes you feel crazy.

Most people use language to hide the truth.

george carlin quotes politics
If you have selfish and ignorant citizens then you too will become a selfish and bad leader. – George Carlin Quotes

A cat’s “meow” can be a “woof” for him.

Religion is like a pair of shoes, you have to find the one that fits you.

If you can’t beat someone, arrange to have beaten him.

If you think too much, you will be left behind by everyone.

George Carlin Quotes on Government :

george carlin quotes on government
I don’t believe anything the government tells me. (Image source:

Governments don’t want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers.

Bullshit is the glue that binds us as a nation.

A flag is supposed to represent everything that a country does.

The government doesn’t lie, it engages in disinformation.

george carlin quotes on government
The government wants to tell you things you can’t say because they’re against the law.

I believe the government should step in where the free market fails.

Most of the government wants to control information and language so that it can control you.

Most of the country was founded by slave owners so they could be free.

War will end when people stop showing up for it.

george carlin quotes government
Most governments do not want a population capable of critical thinking but want obedient workers. Which is absolutely wrong. – George Carlin Quotes

George Carlin Quotes on Pride :

I don’t understand this notion of ethnic pride.

Pride should be reserved for something you achieve or obtain on your own.

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Funny George Carlin Quotes :

funny george carlin quotes
Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. (Image Source:

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

You can prick your finger … Just don’t finger your prick.

I don’t have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.

funny george carlin quotes
When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands. – George Carlin Quotes

I finally figured out what e-mail is for. It’s for communicating with people you’d rather not talk to.

When you’re born into this world, you’re given a ticket to the freak show.

funny george carlin quotes
With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius. – George Carlin Quotes

The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.

What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!

If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.